Mrs Grouser's Diary

Yes, life goes on. The Dragon is at bay at the moment. I want to get back to normal if I can.
 
The one thing I miss dreadfully is my little dog Monty. He went to stay with my brother B while I was in hospital in April. He came back until June when I was hospitalized again. I didn't feel like taking care of him at that time - several infections had brought me to my knees. Now I realize that Monty loves living with my brother and my brother who is a widower needs Monty's company.

I feel I just can't seperate them now. I am thinking more and more of getting a new puppy - but is that fair on the puppy? I am getting older and although the Dragon has been slain once it might revive. B can mange Monty but I couldn't saddle him with two dogs. He's not getting any younger either.

I find that cancer and its consequences not only takes toll physically but also mentally - it can change your mind-set drastically. Things that were dreadfully important once - like my writing career - no longer seem crucial to me.

Now I just want to spend time painting and - lol - playing browser games like travian.  I am still a big kid!

In March this year I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In April I had the first surgical procedure - mastectomy.  In June I had further surgery to have all lymphnodes removed on the left side.
Radiotherapy followed - 15 days spread over a period of three to four weeks.  This was relatively easy.
I am lucky I did not need chemotherapy. I take the drug Arimidex with Calcichew as a precaution against brittle bones which can be a problem with taking anti-hormonal drugs.
I feel good now and hopeful.

Hi, I'm back!

I haven't blogged here for quite a while - but now I have a tale to tell.

It concerns fighting the Dragon - Breast Cancer.

Oops! It's time to make the lunch. Watch this space - I'll be back.

The week end looms again. Not that I'm grousing about it. I love the week ends but I am very conscious of time passing. It passes much faster than it used to, have you noticed. No? Well, you're younger than I am.

http://www.authorsden.com/gwenmadoc
 

See you anon

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would write something every day. What a laugh!

I went dancing this evening.  At a jazz club somewhere in Second Life! Considering it was a virtual evening out, surprisingly I enjoyed myself and the music - especially the music.

I did join Second Life last year but quit - because it scared me. I vowed I would never go back but I did and it is better this time.  I shall take my time to explore. 

One other thing I must promise myself - that it will not run away with all my spare time.

Will I stick it this time?  We'll see.

  I have been so impressed with the skating dog advert on TV ( I had a look at YouTube's offerings too) that I have decided my little dog Monty should have his chance to be a world class skating dog.

But where can I get a skate board for him?  I don't want to spend too much - after all he might not take to it. Monty has mastered the football and plays a mean game.  When we play and I score a goal (ie I get the ball past him) he snarls in fury.  He's a sore looser.

I wonder what he'll make of a skate board?

 B  (my brother)  thinks I am barmy.
"I'm not taking him for walks on a skate board." he told me with vehemence.
I said nowt.
S said a sports shop might be the best bet and she'll look about town for me.  "Less than £10," I told her. I don't want to go overboard with this idea.

I lay in bed last night picturing my little Monty happily sailing around on his skate board and me capturing his triumph on video. I would post it on YouTube and Monty would become famous as the champion skatboarding dog.
 
How will I teach him?  Well, I'm far too long in the tooth to teach him by example. I'll present Monty with the board and let him get the hang of it himself.  He's a pretty clever dog. I can see intelligence in his eyes when he looks at me. 
Oh, I can't wait to see his little face when he sees the skateboard. Well, it is Christmas - almost. And he is like my child to me.

By the way - B has agreed to take me to Tesco next Friday morning to look at oil paints and such. I've got a yen to try oil painting again.  

I know - I'm just a big kid with arthritis. 

There's so much to look forward to.   

Last week shot by. Did you notice?

It was a busy one for me. The highlight was - two visits to Tesco.  Don't sneer!  I don't get out all that much. 
Last Tuesday I needed to replenish my store of dog food.  My brother B took me up to the store about two miles away. Now B hates Tesco and with relish. Mainly because they make a lot of money and are too powerful - so he says. They are so powerful, he says, they could tell the government what to do.        Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Anyway, I loaded up with dog food - enough to cover the Christmas holidays.  (That dog is costing me a fortune) (Oh! He's worth it!) I got a few other things like fresh cream slices. Oh, boy!  

 B  asked me to get a few things for him and also to check out the price of Video Recorders.  B resists new technology for all he's worth. He still uses a cassette recorder to record music from the radio!  He must have thousands of cassettes - and he keeps them all. His lip curls with disdain if I mention MP3 players or CDs.  He just doesn't want to know.

Like I said, I had finished getting my stuff (and his) and then I decided to go in search of VCR.  This Tesco store is enormous. I mean, I felt like I'd been on a ten mile hike before I finally tracked down the department.

Yes, they had plain ordinary everyday VCRs in stock.  Very reasonably priced - well they would be - VCRs are now practically stone-age equipment! 
 
By the time I found my way back to the car in the car park I was ready to drop.  I gave him the info on the price of VCRs.
 B said. 'Go back and get me one of the VCRs'
  Me       : 'What? Now!'

He took one look at my face. 'Ok! Ok! We'll call again on Thursday.'

On Thursday a miracle happened. B actually come inside the store with me.

No, I could hardly believe it either. It has been years since he stepped foot inside of the place. 
Half the stock of the VCRs on the shelf had gone since Tuesday.  It's hard to believe they are still in demand. There were two left. B put one in the trolly.
"Shall I buy the other one as well?' he asked me.
Now I am all for spending money - it's a failing of mine. 
'Go right ahead" I said.
B thought better of it.

We bought a cooked chicken to have for lunch. B was patient as we tramped about the store - I was frankly astonished.  I believe he was secretly enjoying the novelty of it. Of course, he kept up a steady tirade against Tesco. You've heard of Victor Meldrew - well B is a bit like that.

And then I notice a shelf  of stuff I never expected to see in Tesco for some reason. Tubes of oil paints, water colours, sketch books, brushes even canvas. Oh! My!    Now I have no talent for painting - but I have plenty of  longing and enuthsiasm which counts for a lot.

B says we'll go back and take a look - but when?

I'm a fool to myself. Saturday is the only day I can really get down to 'work'  - writing, that is. At weekends I am totally alone - no S to cook for me; no B to get in my hair. It should be wrting all the way.
 I swore I wouldn't mention writing in this blog - there are two others for that.

But this is about procrastination really.  I have been trying to get before that keyboard since nine this morning and here I am 11.20 am blogging. 

I procrastinate in settling those bills that should be settled straight away ( maybe I hate parting with money).  I put off writing letters; making that important telephone call, renewing medication prescriptions. I should get my hair cut - I put off making an appointment. 
Am I lazy? What am I waiting for?

Take Christmas. I leave sending out my cards until the last possible minute. Why? I'm only creating stress for myself. Maybe deep down I like stress.

Oh, by the way, for years I have had a little mantra which I made up and which I say to myself from time to time, and the other day watching a science program on the nature of the universe on TV a physicist spoke two lines from it. It woke me up to the realisation that my thought processes are not unique as I had so fondly believed.
Here is the mantra.

                                   I am One with the universe
                                   The universe is One with me
                                   I am within the universe
                                   The universe is within me
                                    All that is within the universe
                                    Is One with me 

That physicist actually said: I am One with the universe, the universe is One with me.

Now, I really believe it!

Friday morning is when my brother and I do a little shopping - small things I want to get for myself. My brother does his 'shopping' then - if he spends more than 10 quid he is moaning about the cost. 
I went with him to the local supermarket in trepidation wondering of they had managed to clear up the mess. (I told you about it yesterday)
They had, although some of the shelves were still relatively half empty - or is that half full - depending on your outlook so I am told.  I had almost finished getting my bits and pieces when my brother scuttled up to me as I stood looking at the fresh chickens.
             'The ATM is empty!'  he wailed. 'I've only got 10quid on me. What the h*** are we going to do?'
             'Oh, come off it! I'm not falling for that one.'
B likes his little joke often at my expense. I know I am gullible on times but it is because I expect people to be as straight forward as I am.
             'See for yourself,' he insisted. 
             So I did, and yes, the machine was empty - on a Friday!!!!
             B wrung his hands. 'I'll have to put my stuff back.'
I loaned him 20quid there and then.  But I had to get money from somewhere. On Monday I need a tidy sum  to pay S and give her money to buy my main groceries on Tuesday. 

We debated where we could find another ATM.  I suggested the usual dependable places. Tesco, Morrisons, Asda. 
 B would have none of them. He has an aversion to large stores - that is why we shop at the local supermarket which does not carry half the stuff the big stores do, like my special dog food and fresh cream cakes!

And then he remembered a cash point machine standing in a pub car park about half a mile away.  
Arriving at the machine I was puzzled. There was a key board but also a handset. I couldn't find the place to put in my card.
And then someone came up and went around the other side to draw out some money.
I felt such a ninny. We had only been puzzling and squabbling over a very ordinary everyday public phone.
It's technology. I always expect it to be mystfying and a bit over my head. In my head the ordinary telephone had become a very complicated ATM.

Luckily the machine was full of cash.   But as we walked away back to the car I had a disturbing thought.  There the ATM stood isolated, lonely and looking very vulnerable. A perfect target for scammers. That machine could be tampered with quite easily with no one to see. I've heard of people inserting gadgets which can read the info from unsuspecting persons cards.  I wish now we hadn't used it. But we were stuck for cash.

Let's hope I'm wrong this time.